Dear Treacherous Thugs

_As sent by Harry Palmer after the ill-fated (orgy game?): _

“Dear Treacherous Thugs, Grave Robbers and Cowards,

You steal my property. You lure me in under the false auspices of rest and relaxation in order to assassinate me, and there you murder my beloved Sister-wives most cruelly. Now I am subjected to harassment of the most juvenile kind from a blubbering idiot elf who styles himself a spell-sword.

The idle taunts of the semi-literate buffoon Tardeek have, however, given me an idea. As the challenged party, I reserve the right to pick the means and location of that duel, I believe. Here in the Vault of Spiders, west of the drow city of Erelhei-Cinlu stands a freehold belonging to Thane Vejik of Narborg. The Thane keeps an arena in which personal differences can be settled in a decisive manner. I therefore formally accept your challenge, and name Thane Vejik’s Circus as the location.

In accordance with the Thane’s laws, the terms of the duel shall be determined upon your arrival and a date set for combat. If you fail to appear by (a date two weeks from now), the match will be declared in my favor by forfeit, and all that I will say in that regard is that I have found several parties who share my interest in your group’s endeavors, who would zealously pursue the Thane’s justice. I truly did not suspect that a herd of lumbering oafs such as you could instill such eager and universal loathing.

One way or another I will have my satisfaction, yet I am not unreasonable. If you are too fearful to face me in honorable combat, then simply come to the Vault and surrender my armor to me, along with the matching helm you possess. In addition, I will take as wergild your elven trollop and the gnome wench to replace the loss of my dear, sweet Sister-wives and join in our eternal worship of Great Manos, the Hands of Fate.

With this letter there is a token, a length of metal bearing the seal of the Thane, and runes which shall grant you passage to his domain. The various creatures of the Underdark I can not speak for, but no duergar would dare the Thane’s wrath by interfering with your passage. It is likely that the drow will tolerate your passage as well, since their Archon is a great fan of the Thane’s sport.

I await your arrival by the Sunless Sea, supping on the sweet nectar of youthful slaves from the local chattel.

Gleefully awaiting your craven absence,
His Grace, Harry Palmer

P.S. I forgot that you are slightly more than ignorant food-bags. Enclosed are directions to the Vault, clear enough that even you can follow them. I do not wish for you to waste what little time remains to you with fruitless experimentation, so you should know the following about the Vault: It can not be reached by teleportation. It can not be remotely viewed by magic. It is a real place, which can be verified by various experts on the Underdark. Check with Dillo the Erudite, Pomp Fripp of the Drooping Eye or with the Lake Priests themselves, if you wish. "

Dear Treacherous Thugs

The Big Lake fonkin